Youchien: Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?

makulit

09-17-2005, 04:20 AM

Meron po ba ditong TF Member na ang anak ay pumapasok sa Yochien? Magtatanong lang po ako …

Ang anak ko po ay halos isang taon sa Yochien. Every month may meeting sa school at makikita mo kung paano mag-behave / makipag-soscialize / mag-participate yung bata sa loob ng classroom.

Napapansin ko yung anak ko walang friend :frowning: Pag nandoon ako sa school, walang kinakausap na classmate (wala ring kumakausap), walang nilalapitan (wala ring lumalapit) at hindi nagpaparticipate sa activities sa loob ng classroom. Well, nagpaparticipate naman kapag ‘Sayonara Sensei’ na ang kanta :smiley: At talagang masaya na sya. Siguro alam na kasi nya na uwian na …

Pag tinatanong ko naman ang teacher, sabi nya may kaibigan naman daw at okey naman daw kapag hindi nakikita ang mommy sa yochien. Yung huling punta ko sa yochien for meeting, tinanong ko kung nasaan yung friend nung anak ko, sabi ng teacher absent daw … nung ensoku nuong isang araw, hinanap ko ulit yung friend, hindi daw sumali sa ensoku … hay … ang hirap naman ma-timingan nung friend ng anak ko.

Ano ba talaga … kahit sa bahay lang kami, tinatanong ko yung anak ko everyday, kung anong pinag-aralan, naglaro ba sila sa labas, nakita ba nya ang kaibigan nya, ang sinasabi sa akin. Wala daw silang pinag-aralan, at wala daw syang kaibigan pero naglaro sya … E bata syempre paniwalaan mo ba yon. Hindi naman sinungaling ang bata pero magaling gumawa ng istorya.

Yung mga mommy dya o teacher, advise naman. Normal lang ba yung behaviour ng anak ko? Mali ba ang school? Ano ba ang dapat kong gawin?

chepot

09-17-2005, 07:00 AM

hi !!!ung mga kids ko nasa elementary pro, i remember nuong nasa kinder pa sila, yuong panganay ko eh ganon din…very introvert and di kaagad mo mapapahalubilo sa di nya masyadong nakikita…even pag nasa koen kami non, di sya kagad makikipaglaro dun sa mga bata na nasa koen…pag nag-observe kami sa classroom, tahimik lang sya walang kalaro…2 years old lang sya when i enrolled her…i thought baka discriminated kc gaijin ang nanay…pro, marai namang foreigners na mothers dun sa yochien…(koreans, taiwanese,chinese, brazilians and of course Pinays.)actually ung pinasukan nya eh hindi accepted ng govt as yochien…its an institution for advance learning…wala daw entei(ground)its a building lang sya. observation ko lang, ung mga ibang kids na may mga kalaro eh ung mga nanay eh magkakaibigan…kahit after school and private time, magkakasama sila…mga nanay na sumusundo directly sa school…since yung place namin eh malayo sa school, hatid sundo sya ng school bus…kaparehas mo din na nagaalala…kahit natapos ang second year, parehas pa rin…tinatanong ko sya almost everyday na anong pangalan ng kalaro nya and friend nya…di rin ako sinasagot…pero, pagdating ng ika 3rd year nya, ive heard names na already pro, still mahiyain pa rin…i even enrolled her dun sa ballet class ng school para magkaroon ng self confidence…pero, ngayon 4th grade na sya, ay naku!!!naging mataray naman…:order: (mana sa nanay:D )and she has close friends na…magbabago din babe mo…nagaadjust pa siguro…gambatte!! !:stuck_out_tongue:

puting tainga

09-17-2005, 08:57 AM

Hi, makulit,

Well、most probably you don’t have be worried about it.
Kahit wala siyang kaibigan, tiyak maraming kaibigan sa eskuwelahan.

I’ve taught at Sunday schools and I know dozens of Japinos.
As far as I know, most Japinos cope well at school.
Their general good lookings and natural talkativeness might be helping them.

Interestingly, almost all of my students don’t speak Tagalog or English at all.
I tried to teach them Tagalog but they were not enthusiastic.
(We ended up singing, or I taught them piano, which they could enjoy.)

Pag hindi siya marunong mag-Hapon, that must be the reason wala siyang kaibigan.

Another tip:
Ability to run fast is the key for not being bullied.
Kids say something bad and then run away.
You must catch them up, and you will not be humiliated next time.

If you are worried, encourage your child to practice running fast.

v_wrangler

09-17-2005, 12:11 PM

If you are worried, encourage your child to practice running fast.

No offense meant, but this is the most absurb suggestion I’ve heard (not that it doesnt do good if you can run fast)

Children tend to be so shy lalo na if they do not understand what the other kids say or talk about. Another tip for parents is to try to socialize among the other parents - dito nagsisimula ang magandang pagsasamahan pati ng mga bata. Go out and have get-togethers with the parents. Invite them to the house for some chikahan. Befriending the other parents will help the kids become confident and rapport with the other kids. If they see their pinoy parents stay away from the rest - I’m sure the kids will never have the courage to do the opposite.

ning2

09-17-2005, 01:27 PM

Children tend to be so shy lalo na if they do not understand what the other kids say or talk about. Another tip for parents is to try to socialize among the other parents - dito nagsisimula ang magandang pagsasamahan pati ng mga bata. Go out and have get-togethers with the parents. Invite them to the house for some chikahan. Befriending the other parents will help the kids become confident and rapport with the other kids. If they see their pinoy parents stay away from the rest - I’m sure the kids will never have the courage to do the opposite.

hi makulit,

agree ako kay v_wrangler:) palipat-lipat kasi kami ng bahay dati(nasa chiba kami) at medyo mahiyain din yung panganay ko pag sa labas ng bahay. kaya nung pumasok sya ng yochien,(grade 6 na sya ngayon) aloof din sya sa ibang bata kaya ang ginawa ko yung suggestion ni v_wrangler. nag-invite ako ng alam kong makakasundo kong mother ng mga bata, chikahan at minsan lumalabas kami para kumain syempre kkb, yan ang uso dito eh:) . then yun na may nakalaro na sya hanggang tumuntong sya ng grade 1 iyon pa rin ang mga barkada nya. sayang at lumipat na kami dito sa ayase pero tuloy pa rin ang communication nila hanggang ngayon. then syempre kailangan na naman naming makibagay uli sa bago naming environment dito( 'ayase)at ng magkaroon uli ng bagong kaibigan same thing pa rin ang ginawa namin kahit nasa elementary na sya. ang mga bata kasi nag-aadjust din sila hindi lang tayong mga adults.:slight_smile:

betong

09-17-2005, 01:57 PM

Dear Makulit,
I am not a school teacher nor am I a parent, yet. But I am an uncle, cousin, friend to children as well as having some professional experience (though not profound) in the care of children, I actually wanted to specialize in the ‘care’ of children earlier but have not pursued this line.
I am not going to give you any clear advice nor will I give judgement on the advice given by others. I will only give you my views concerning what you are worried about.
Going to school is a very difficult phase for children. It is a big transition from the comfort of home or being close to Mom all the time. It is an important stage in the mental and social development of a child. As such, as in all changes, some time is needed to adjust. Being a child, he would need to learn how to live in an environment wherein the mother is does not play the center of the child’s universe anymore. He will have to learn to cope with the demands of the teachers, the classmates as well as the structure of the schooling system all in all.
In Japan, one of the most homogenous societies of the world, someone who is different, even a bit may stick out like a sore thumb. Very early in life their children are taught how to conform with the rest and those who don’t usually have a lot of difficulties. You may say that in every society, children are taught the ways of the society they are in. But Japan is particular, how many children have you learned about who would keep the fact that their english pronunciation is better than the others so as not to be bullied or to be treated as an outsider or children pretending not to be too good in math to be more like the others. Fitting in seems to be a big problem here more than any other place I have heard of.
How many stories of children getting depressed, not going to school or hurting themselves or other classmates because of bullying in school. These children should have been showing early signs of emotional disturbance but, usually, both parents and teachers were unable to see these early signs.
Going back to you and your child, I agree with Puting Tainga that there may be nothing to be worried about. You seem to be very much interested in your child and a very caring parent. Some children as have been said may just be more shy than others, or maybe your child may be having some linguistic problems and so may have some problems interacting with others or is just in the adjustment period. I have seen some children not knowing a word of French when they started shool and turn out like everybody else after just a few months. I myself had to face these adjustments though in a later period of my life and I know how difficult it is to learn the ways in a completely different setting.
So, what I would do is pay more attention to my child, look for the early signs of trouble. Children do not complain as much as adults, they cannot voice out what is bothering them as clearly as adults. Nevertheless, they may show signs of depression. Loss of appetite, insomnia, sleeping disorders, loss of energy, loss of their usual joy, lack of motivation, psychosomatic symptoms such as aches here and there, generalized apathia and many others.
Talking with yhelour child helps a lot. Keeping a warm, positive environment at home. Being interested in your child without being too invasive. There are many things that can be done. But the simplest of these are love and support.
And I am sure that your child has got that from you.

Good luck,
Betong

PS. Don’t forget that I am just a cat…:wink: . Well, a handsome one anyway:D .

makulit

09-17-2005, 02:00 PM

Salamat Chepot, Ning2, putingtainga and v_wrangler.

Maraming Salamat sa replies ninyo. I’ll be patient and see if mag-improve ang aking anak. Medyo nawala ng konti ang aking pag-aalala.

I-try ko din na makipag-kaibigan sa mga nanay ng kaklase ng anak ko, although napakahirap talaga kasi, may feeling ako na they love their own kind lang. This year kasi iba ang classmates ng mga anak ko, wala kahit isa na kaklase nya last year. Actually na try ko nang lumapit sa ilang parents sa loob ng classroom before, they will reply but after awhile, makikita mo na nawawala isa-isa yung tao sa tabi mo. I’ll end up standing alone in a corner. Hindi ko alam kung form ng racism yon o ano ba (i simply dont care)… o nahihiya lang din sila kasi baka kausapin ko ng ingles. Hirap na hirap din kasi akong mag-japanese.

Isa pa, nag-iisang foreinger ang anak ko sa school. 100% Gaijin kami. Walang mix race sa school. Puro japanese lahat … And you all are right about one thing. My child is just learning to speak Japanese. English lang ang alam nya na language. Maari rin sabihin na sabay kaming nag-aaral ng anak ko ng Japanese. And she’s learning a lot faster than me :smiley:

Kahit ano pa … susubukan ko ulit! Maraming Salamat!

makulit

09-17-2005, 02:30 PM

Thanks Betong.

puting tainga

09-17-2005, 09:44 PM

running fast
Oh, I am not offended, maybe my way of writing was not good enough for you to understand.
Because I know what I suggested is true, and I am sure it will help those kids who might be bullied if nothing is done to them.
Also, note that it is not I that made this suggestion.
I heard it, observed it, and believed it, and thought it my duty to tell it to TF mothers.

There are types of students who are bullied (いじめられる)in Japan.
One thing common is that they tend to run slower than other kids.
There maybe other mental factors, which are difficult to change.
But running faster is not difficult if you practice.

If you are an adult Japanese, being slow, being late, anything inefficient is bad in Japan.
Especially being late is manifestation of incompetence.
Maybe such concept is embedded in kids’ minds already.

puting tainga

09-17-2005, 10:02 PM

In Japan, one of the most homogeneous societies of the world, someone who is different, even a bit may stick out like a sore thumb.

There is this joke, which I like very much.
Some of you may already knew it.

When Titanic was sinking, gentlemen must sacrifice themselves for ladies and kids, because there were not enough boats.

Ship-crew asked an Englishman, “Sir, you are a knight, you know what to do.” and the Englishman jumped into the cold sea to die.

Then an American said, " I want to be a hero." and he jumped into the cold sea.

Then a German was asked" If it is the rule, I will obey" and he jumped into the cold sea.

Finally, there was this Japanese guy, having seen what everyone did, willingly did the same thing.

carbin reef2

09-17-2005, 10:58 PM

Dear lenske,

I also h ave a daughter in kindergarten (nensho). She had similar situation at the beginning because she couldn’t speak Japanese. We just came from the Philippines last March just in time for the opening ceremony last April. Although, I’m married to a Japanese, our primary language at home is English. My child is multilingual and she was very scared to enter kindergarten in the beginning. She would cry everytime she sees her teacher coming to pick her up.( By the way, she walks to school.) She would play by herself and was quite a loner for sometime. I talked to the principal about this at the very start. He told me not to force the child to speak because it would just come along once somebody will be willing to talk to her. What they did was to create situations where she would have a chance to mingle with other kids. From there, other children were interested in her and eventually learned how to speak the language.
Also, the school always tells us, parents, to always seek the good things and admire the achievements of our child. We always have to look back how they were 3 months ago compared to what they can do now. Looking at it through the eyes of an adult may seem very small or insignificant, but, looking at it through the eyes of a child is already a great achievement . kodomo o jouzo ni homete agete kudasai. kodomo no noryouko o shinjitte kudasai. these are the few reminders that the kindergarten always tell us parents.
I dont know, if your kindergarten is more on academics, but I think most of the kindergartens here are more focused on play and the basics like personality and social developmet. For me, I think - is more important than learning math, reading and writing.
I also think that volunteering in school is a great way to check on your child, at the same time, a way to get a closer connection with teachers and other parents.So of them may not feel comfortable at first but it will be ok later on. They will realize that. It would be easier to talk things out if there’s a little bit of camaraderie, right? It’s also a great way to check if teacher is lying or not,too. Children also feel proud and happy to see their parents being involved in school activities . Other kids would also recognize you and that’s a good thing. I guess. A lot of parents say so, too.
I already here names of my daughter’s friends school and I believe her. She may not pronouce those names correctly but I’m happy that she’s happy now.
Ask your child for the name of her friend indirectly. listen to her while she plays, sometimes they make imaginary friends using their friend’s name or play teacher-teacher with her. Maybe from there you could get names and check on the class address list.:wink: God Bless…

maple

09-17-2005, 11:28 PM

pasingit sa usapan ninyo.
hello carbin reef, I think your reply should be addressed to Makulit, and not Lenske:-)

maple

reon

09-18-2005, 09:50 AM

hello makulit,

dati noong unang pasok ng anak ko sa hoikuen (daycare) nahirapan din siyang mag-adjust at yon siguro ang pinakamahirap na time para sa amin, hindi mo alam kung ano’ng ginagawa ng anak mo most of the day. mahirap ang language, at mahirap din ang makipag-deal sa mga bullies.

pero somehow, okay naman ang nangyari. noong una ayaw niya siyempre at umiiyak, pero later, may mga kaibigan na rin siya sa hoikuen (kahit na hindi pa rin masyadong marunong mag-japanese).

palagay ko mas madali para sa anak mo ang youchien dahil mas malaki na siya, at mukhang mas madaling mag-pickup ng language ang mga babae at less likely na ma-bully (physically). kailangan lang siguro ng encouragement lagi, at constant observation at consultation sa teacher.

hope this helps.

hotcake

09-18-2005, 10:19 AM

Hello Makulit,

huwag kang mag-alala at magkakaroon din ng kaibigan iyang anak mo. Ito ngang mga anak ko ganyan din sa umpisa. Tumira kami sa kanagawa-ken for 8 years then lumipat kami dito sa shizouka. Ni walang kakilala, para sa mga anak ko siguradong shock iyon kasi iyon mga kalaro nila sa dati nilang hoykuen ay kasama or kalaro na nila bago pa sila mag-1 year old.

Nung una iyong bunso ko lagi umiiyak everytime ihahatid ko siya sa hoykuen. Ang ginawa ko lagi ko silang dinadala sa koen, kahit di namin kilala iyong mga bata doon binabati ko, iyong iba kaklase ng anak ko. Pati na rin ang nanay ng mga bata doon ay binabati ko din. Kasi kapag ikaw naman ang unang nag-approach sa kanila ay kakausapin ka nila. I-try mong dalhin ang anak mo sa koen near your place, start rin iyan na magkaroon siya ng friend at pati na rin ikaw. Imagine makulit nasa yochien palang iyan daughter mo at ganyan na ang worry mo, paano pa kung mag-umpisa na siya sa elementary…

eps

09-18-2005, 01:31 PM

carbin reef2’s advice is very encouraging…:slight_smile:

adechan

09-21-2005, 07:03 PM

if there’s a chance for you to be an school officer (yakuin?)

alam ko kadalasan mga nag-aayawan ang mga parents to be officer, and the school teachers directly ask the PTA during meetings, kung sino ang pupuwedeng maging next officers.

Maraming advantages ang pagiging officer. Sa ating hindi alam ang pasikot-sikot … this is a big chance. Madalas kang nasa school. Maraming kang ma-me-meet na parents. Mas madalas mong ma-mo-monitor ang ginagawa nang mga bata.

Ang problema ay language at reading kanjis. Naging officer ako at the very first year na inilagay ko ang anak ko sa hoikuen. Talagang wala din akong kaalam alam at walang kakilala. When I volunteered to be an officer, inunahan ko na, na pupuwede akong maging officer, kaya lang ang problema ko ay ang pagbabasa nang kanji at pag-intindi ng mga malalalim na salita. Thanks God, at that time, may mga mabait na nanay, and they are very friendly, they encouraged me, and told me that they could assist me pag hindi ko na alam ang mga japanese terminology.

And because of that very first experience, na-overcome ko kaagad ang mga bakit, ano, paano, at mga alalahanin na kung ano ano pa.

Kaya if you got a chance … i try mo. Depende sa school, pero usually, one day magiging turn mo rin na maging officer ayaw mo man at gusto mo, e di agahan mo na.

makulit

09-22-2005, 03:47 AM

if there’s a chance for you to be an school officer (yakuin?)

hmmm …mahirap sagutin ang question mo. truth is, hindi ako uma-attend ng PTA meeting. kung may chance maging officer? hmmm … i dont know. gusto ko ba? definitely NO :smiley:

adechan

09-23-2005, 11:02 PM

hmmm …mahirap sagutin ang question mo. truth is, hindi ako uma-attend ng PTA meeting. kung may chance maging officer? hmmm … i dont know. gusto ko ba? definitely NO :smiley:

sa tingin ko lang … if that is the case, just don’t worry about your child … kagaya nang nabanggit sa mga naunang thread masasanay din siya and magkakaroon din iyan nang kaibigan.

about yakuin … kahit naman mga japanese … majority nang kilala ko, mga ayaw, lalo na iyong time na naging officer ako … shogonakatta, baga.

pero sa case nating mga foreigner, if you want to know more things and be adapted fast in this kind of culture and society, get involve together with your child.

until next,

God Bless

may_abe

10-26-2007, 08:34 PM

:smiley: next year papasok na yung 2 bunso ko. Dito pala sa Japan maaga dapat epa registered kasi mahirap makakuha ng slot lalo na private yuchien. Una,meron fill up na papel b-day at address tel # then interview sa bata. Ang kaso mahal ang 1 time deposit .kalimitan 37,000 Yen monthly fee. Dahil kambal yung anak ko plus 2 agad inclusive bus charge at lunch sa school na ito ha…late ko na nakita itong thread pero very informative lahat ng posts. Nag share lang ako baka sakali meron new member with family din…

makulit

10-26-2007, 09:59 PM

ang tagal na nitong thread na ito. nakakatuwang magbalik tanaw :smiley: nasa huling taon na po sa youchien ang anak ko. graduating na sya next march. magaling na pong magsalita ng wikang hapon, nakakabasa na ng hiragana at katakana. nakakasulat na rin po.

marami na rin syang kaibigan. dalawang beses isang linggo may extra curricular sya; once a week, nagpupunta sa bahay ng kaibigan at isang beses tuwing thursday, another friend naman ang nagpupunta dito sa bahay. hindi na po sya mahiyain … :smiley:

adechan

10-27-2007, 09:11 PM

wiiii nabuhay pala eto, at nakita ko ang mga typo errors ko:D

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